They came for me one night
As I was lying in bed
Thinking about my homework,
I was stuck in my head.
I saw the darkness creeping
Gently through the window
Their shadows against my wall
Slowly crawling on my pillow.
I couldn't make a sound as they
Make my head their home
Enclosed my thoughts and feelings
In maze of catacombs.
My mind was lost, they wasted no time
The demons invaded my space,
Broke everything inside, yet
Left without a trace.
My nightmares came more and more,
To my absolute horror
They started invading my days
I felt so much shame, I couldn't walk past a mirror.
My words began to leave me,
Soon I was unable to talk at all,
Every time I tried to speak
My words would hit a wall.
They slowly merged and festered
The darkness inside stared to grow,
It took root in my heart
And fed off my sorrow.
I had a tree of darkness
Deep within my soul,
No amount of medicine
Could get it under control.
It was a constant reminder of my pain
I could no longer stand to have it there,
I went to my mother and said
To you, my soul, I bear.
I have a darkness inside me
That will no go away,
No matter how much light I shine
It just seems here to stay.
I don't know what to do anymore
With these demons in my head
They are constantly pushing me towards it,
I know they want me dead.
I can't fight them off much longer
My voice is growing numb,
I'm here to ask for help
To get them under my thumb.
Together we went looking
For someone to help me save
Myself from these demons,
Teach them to behave.
We found a wonderful doctor
Who agreed to take me on
She said she was by my side
Until all the demons were gone.
It would be hard work she said,
But I should not be scared
For demons will never come back
Because I would be prepared.
Placing my trust in her was hard,
I went to see her twice a week
At first I saw no progress
But slowly I started to speak.
I told her about the things inside
In return she armed me with tools,
That made the demons a little fewer
Those who remained learned strict rules.
The weight of my heart became lighter,
The tree grew smaller
As I cut it branch by branch,
My world slowly went from black and white to colour.
I started to notice it when I saw
The vibrant blue of a blue jay,
Next was the yellow of a sunflower
To celebrate I bought myself a bouquet.
Finally I could permit myself to talk about what
Had happened to me,
I knew there were others out there,
And now that I was finally free
I could possibly help others
Who fell ill to the same demons as me,
Help them unlock their potential
Teach them that they are not a nobody.
Some days are impossibly hard, and
The demons have come back now
It is harder to fight them off,
But I know with help they will surely bow.
It is an on going battle,
Just like cancer,
It can come back some day
But now I have the answer.
I know how to fight my demons,
Even if these ones are new
I will fight them off as I did the others,
I will show them that I grew.
The tree is still within me
But it has much changed,
It is no longer of darkness,
Crooked or deranged.
It was fused with my spine,
And helps to hold me straight.
It reminds me what would have happened
If I had let the demons decide my fate.
