A Life in Colours

This colour is the taste of citrus fruits,
The taste of a summer's day.
The soft breeze blowing around and around
Brining laughter from children at play.

Sweet lemonade with some ice and shade
Is all a picnic needs,
Add a little salad and a sandwich too
And a blanket to sit on the weeds.

Sunbath among the grass and flowers
Hear that buzzing sound.
A sweet little bee flying in the garden
Making her way around.

From flower to flower this little bee buzzes
To even the smallest daisy.
She visits them all on this bright summer day
Never could she be called lazy.

This colour swirls in a glass of champagne
Bubbling up special nights.
Good time and new beginnings,
It goes with twinkling lights.

Fields of grain ripe and ready
Rippling in the breeze.
This colour fills acres and acres
The farmers plough it with ease.

This colour comes announcing the end
Of warm and sunshine-filled days,
It changes the leaves on all of the trees
It is sure to impress and amaze.

This colour is that of our truest passion,
The lace vibrant and chic.
A dab of lipstick on a woman's lips
Adds a bit of mystique.

Mix that with wine, fruity and dark,
And a cherry on top of a cake.
The exchange of a kiss with a promise of more
Is sure to make a man ache.

A bouquet of roses arrives at her door
She smiles at her lover's name.
Her body is his and so is her heart,
But he prefers his women tame.

He didn't show his temper for years and years
Until one fateful night.
A terrible argument made his blood boil
He made it a physical fight.

The traces of rage and violence on her skin
She tried to cover it up.
This once loving colour turned him into a monster
He was constantly blowing up.

His anger and violence drove her to despair
She was almost always in tears.
Tired of the pain, the shame and the guilt
She decided to face her fears.

The colour of the water drove her to freedom,
It cleaned her worn-out skin.
She went to the sea to find her peace
And look back on where she had been.

She fell in love with the sea and sky
And a man whose eyes were both.
His arms brought her safety, comfort and warmth,
They took a solemn oath.

Long had she envied the freedom of birds,
Their songs that felt of joy.
As she fed and sang with them she knew
Her life was hers to enjoy.

When days were dark her fears returned
And with them came the rain.
It fell and fell over her body
And wiped away the stain.

It entered her soul one drop at a time
Rescued her from her cage.
It freed her from that violent colour
Wiped clean the page.

She thought about life and how it was shaped
Around this peaceful shade.
She started to travel to see natural wonders
She visited every glade.

She delved deep into forests of many hues,
Could name each and every plant.
She began to love the creatures of the forest
Even the smallest ant.

She explored ruins covered in vines and weeds,
Saw trees as old as time.
Large valleys with leaves swaying in the breeze,
And moss on which she could climb.

The air of the forest where fairytales blossomed
Made her want to find out more,
About her family and where they had been,
And all that came before.

She traced her lineage back a few centuries,
Built her family tree.
All the interesting stories she found
Made her want to get her degree.

Her best friend was without a doubt
Her lucky four-leafed clover.
They had met on St Patrick's day
And she knew her search was over.

Over time they became leprechaun friends,
Their friendship their pot of gold.
They always had each other's backs,
Kept the other out of the cold.

The feel of the grass beneath her feet
Brought a smile to her lips.
She lay down on the ground to watch the stars
And observe a lunar eclipse.

She loved the winter month of December
For with is came the holidays.
A tree in her house so full of decorations
Added cheer to her days.

When spring finally came and melted the snow
She smiled at every bud she found.
The wonderful smell of freshly cut grass
Was almost worth that lawn-mowing sound.

She felt grounded to the earth as never before
And began to love it's shade.
Her eyes were the colour of fresh planted dirt
But with time they began to fade.

They were no longer the colour of dark melted chocolate
Or the rocks on which the sea broke.
They became softer and lighter and with time they grew
To resemble the bark of an oak.

They were warm and inviting like a cup of hot cocoa
During a cold winter's day.
She gave off that same feeling you get when you walk
Through the doors of a rustic chalet.

She painted her house with earthly tones
To ensure that home-like feeling.
She varied the shade from room to room
Made it look very appealing.

Her hair was the colour of cinnamon sticks
With streaks of chocolate milk.
As time went on those streaks grew pale
And turned her hair into silk.

She set off to find the meaning behind
The colours she didn't know.
First was the colour of royal blood
That meant status so long ago.

She visited castle after castle and red up in books
The stories of once noble kings.
Scandals and intrigue and mistresses too,
History had so many strings.

A tapestry of colour where one meant control
Above all the rest.
Made everyone believe they were the ones
Chosen by God to be blest.

She liked the colour despite it's past
For it was the one that you got
When you looked at the tales of knights and beasts
The colour of mighty Camelot.

She saw it come out year after year
Around Valentine's day
Complimenting the roses and hearts
Varying the display.

This led her to the next colour in line
The one associated with her sex.
The added blush to a young girl's cheek
Could have all kinds of effects.

She began to see it under a new light,
Began to see it anew.
No longer a variant of the once painful colour
It was the shade of morning dew.

The rosy dawn brings a new day
Shines light were there once was none.
Each sunrise was unique, she would get up to watch it,
Each day she would go for a run.

She looked for ways to introduce
This colour into her life.
She bought half a ton of watermelons
And put them all to the knife.

She turned her attention to raspberries,
Ate them with every meal.
Paired it at supper with a glass of rosé
The duo was ideal.

She turned from sunrise to sunset as her age advanced
Finding peace in the combination
Of two colours that painted the sky every night,
Each one a new creation.

She loved the rays of the sun warming her skin
And the flower carrying it's name.
She covered her garden with this plant,
It was a sea of moving flame.

A last ode to the sun, the one mighty god
Who's rays kissed the earth.
Whose presence was the meaning of life,
To this world gave birth.

That summer they roasted many a s'more
Over a burning fire.
She wanted to enjoy all the time she had left
Before she had to retire.

Candle-lit dinners with the man she loved
With all her favourite food.
He was loosing her, the love of his life
But his heart was filled with gratitude.

He had gotten to know this wonderful woman
And all the colours she brought with her.
As he watched her skin glow from the candle,
His vision began to blur.

During the time of pumpkins and ghosts
Is when she said goodbye.
She held on long enough to answer the question
Of those who want to know why.

As the world grew cold she held onto the fire
That burned deep within.
She had made her mark on this world so grey,
Left colour where she had been.

My Number

I woke up this morning when the lights came on. We are told they always come on at the same time, but we never know what time that is. It’s to give us a sense of the normal, they say. I blink my eyes onety-one times, sat up and turned to put on my fuzzies. After I put them on and took them off the proper number of times, I get up. I heard the click of the door unlock, and I went to open it. I tried really hard to fight my number, but my mind was still dreamy so it was easy for it to take control of my arm. I finally got through the door and walked to Mess. I got in line and counted the trays to find the onety-onest. I moved along, and the grumpy looking lady sploshed food onto my tray. I told her thank you, then went to find somewhere to sit. I saw my friend Oliver at a table, so I went to eat with him.

“Hello.” I said to him as I sat down.

“Hello.” He replied.

We ate our oatmeal in quiet. I stared at him taking every mouthful like I always do when we eat together. He told me that his stomach didn’t like it when he ate, and sometimes it would come back out. He was here because of that. We were paired together when I first got here, and they told me how hard it was to watch so many of us at once, so we had to help each other to get better. I made sure he ate and didn’t vomited back up all of his food, and he made sure I didn’t count. We finished our food in quiet, and then he took my tray, the onety-onest, and brought it back with our dirty bowls. My tray was no longer the onety-onest, and for a little while my number wanted me to go count the trays and find the onety-onest. Oliver came back before it made me, so it went away. My number was scared of Oliver, I always felt a little normaler when he was around. He then led me to talking time. I was still new here, and didn’t know all the places yet.

He left me in front of the door to therapy group; and I went in by myself. Oliver was not allowed in therapy group, he was a different kind of sick. I took my usual chair, and waited in quiet while the others came in. One girl, Gracie, was missing. When the doctor came in, I asked him where she was. He told me she had tried letting the blood out of her again, so they had put her in Bedhouse to make her feel better. I think I would like to visit Bedhouse, it sounds very fluffy. When I told the Doctor that, he said only people who really need to go to Bedhouse can go, if everyone took turns it wouldn’t have the same calming effect. I nodded, the doctor knew what was good for us. I took my seat again, and talking time began.

The doctor started the group like he always does, by saying welcome to each of us, one at a time. I waved when he said my name, and he smiled. In this session, we were supposed to give our thesorer a name. I named mine Rex because it sounds like a mean dinosaur chasing me. The doctor says that if we give our thesorer a name, it will help us want to get rid of it, and that we can see a difference between what we think and what they want us to think.

I walked out of talking time a little confused. If I had Rex in my head, how do I get him out? I walked over to a lady with a white doctorly coat and asked her. She smiled at me and bent a little to look me in the face.

“The more you talk about it, the more the doctors know about him and the more they can help you get rid of him.”

“So I have to make Rex go quiet?”

“Yes.” She smiled and walked away.

I think I understand. I’ll talk to the doctor tomorrow about it, I think I have some time with just him. I look at the clock on the wall and it says that it’s time for lunch. I head to Mess and get in the food line. When I get to the trays, I think of Rex and tell him that I will not listen to him today. I grab the tray that’s on top. My hand starts shaking but I don’t want to go back. This is my tray now, and I hold it against me. When I get to the mean splooshing lady, I smile at her and she gives me a sandwich and some red Jell-O that wiggles as I walked.

I didn’t see anyone I recognized, so I went to sit at a table by myself. I started eating my sandwich, roast beef and the yellow sauce, and a boy who looked a lot older than Oliver sat down. I smiled a little at him.

“My name is Derek, but everyone calls me Duke. What’s your name?” He asked me.

“Riley.” I replied, taking another bite of my sandwich.

He nodded, and smiled at me a little. He didn’t say anything, and we ate in quiet. I didn’t know why he was sitting with me, but it was nice not to eat alone. When I was done with my sandwich, and started on the Jell-O, I asked him why he sat with me.

“I have depression and I find that it always gets worse when I’m alone. So I make sure that no one is alone.”

I had heard the word depression before, but I didn’t know what it meant.

“What is depression?”

“It’s when your head gets sick, and you start feeling bad and lonely and you start thinking that maybe life would be better if you went to heaven.”

“Is that why you’re here? So that you don’t go to heaven?”

“Yeah it is, and so that the sickness in my head gets better.”

I saw that he didn’t have any Jell-O, and Jell-O always makes me smile when it jiggles, so I offered him the rest of mine.

“Maybe it will make you feel a little better.”

He smiled one of those big smiles that people usually save for when their picture is being taken.

“Thanks little buddy, but I don’t really like Jell-O, tastes too much like water. But it means a lot to me that you offered it.”

I made the Jell-O inside the cup jiggle, and pointed it out to him.

“I don’t like the taste much either, I just like the jiggle.”

He smiled. We spent a little while jiggling the Jell-O, then I finished it.

I said bye to Derek, he had to go to a session with one of the doctors. I put my tray away, and went to the computer room. We all had an hour that we could spend on the computer each day. They say it’s so that we don’t miss family and friends too much, and so that our mommies and daddies don’t worry about us. I know mommy still worries, but she worries about everything.

I get to the computer room, and sit at the computer closest to the window. I like being able to look outside. I log into the computer, and open my email. Mommy sent me an email with everything her and daddy did this weekend. She even put what they ate. I pressed the reply button to send her an email, and I tell her about the Jell-O. I spend the rest of my hour playing games and checking my club penguin.

I go to the library after, I sit in my favorite comfy chair and read a book. I’m getting better with words, and the lady with glasses behind the counter helps me with words I don’t know. She has a really nice voice, very soft like my cat Pogo’s fur. I finish reading the book I started about a week ago, it’s called the Neverending Story, but it did end, I finished it.

The library lady told me that the library was closing now, so that meant it was suppertime. I thanked her and went to Mess. I went to grab a tray and fought my number, but I think I was still in the book world, and I lost. I found the onety-onest tray and took it. Supper was Shepard’s pie. Me and Oliver ate together in quiet. The cooking ladies had put too much mashed potatoes, and not enough corn. I mixed it with a lot of red sauce to make it taste good.

After supper, I went to the funroom and Oliver let me play cards with him and a few other people. It’s called spoons and it was really fun. I laughed a lot.

The buzzer buzzed, telling us that it was almost bedtime. I brushed my teeth extra hard because I had eaten Jell-O today, and I didn’t want my teeth to go black. Mommy said that if I forgot to brush my teeth too many times, and ate too much dessert, they would fall out. Then I went to my room, took off my fuzzies, and crawled under my fluffy blanket. 

The Colour Blue

Blue is the colour you see,
When a small bird flies by.
It is the colour of freedom,
For it is both sea and sky.

A Constant Battle

They came for me one night
As I was lying in bed
Thinking about my homework,
I was stuck in my head.
I saw the darkness creeping
Gently through the window
Their shadows against my wall
Slowly crawling on my pillow.
I couldn't make a sound as they
Make my head their home
Enclosed my thoughts and feelings
In  maze of catacombs.
My mind was lost, they wasted no time
The demons invaded my space,
Broke everything inside, yet
Left without a trace.
My nightmares came more and more,
To my absolute horror
They started invading my days
I felt so much shame, I couldn't walk past a mirror.
My words began to leave me,
Soon I was unable to talk at all,
Every time I tried to speak
My words would hit a wall.
They slowly merged and festered
The darkness inside stared to grow,
It took root in my heart
And fed off my sorrow.
I had a tree of darkness
Deep within my soul,
No amount of medicine
Could get it under control.
It was a constant reminder of my pain
I could no longer stand to have it there,
I went to my mother and said
To you, my soul, I bear.
I have a darkness inside me
That will no go away,
No matter how much light I shine
It just seems here to stay.
I don't know what to do anymore
With these demons in my head
They are constantly pushing me towards it,
I know they want me dead.
I can't fight them off much longer
My voice is growing numb,
I'm here to ask for help
To get them under my thumb.
Together we went looking
For someone to help me save
Myself from these demons,
Teach them to behave.
We found a wonderful doctor
Who agreed to take me on
She said she was by my side
Until all the demons were gone.
It would be hard work she said,
But I should not be scared
For demons will never come back
Because I would be prepared.
Placing my trust in her was hard,
I went to see her twice a week
At first I saw no progress
But slowly I started to speak.
I told her about the things inside
In return she armed me with tools,
That made the demons a little fewer
Those who remained learned strict rules.
The weight of my heart became lighter,
The tree grew smaller
As I cut it branch by branch,
My world slowly went from black and white to colour.
I started to notice it when I saw
The vibrant blue of a blue jay,
Next was the yellow of a sunflower
To celebrate I bought myself a bouquet.
Finally I could permit myself to talk about what
Had happened to me,
I knew there were others out there,
And now that I was finally free
I could possibly help others
Who fell ill to the same demons as me,
Help them unlock their potential
Teach them that they are not a nobody.
Some days are impossibly hard, and
The demons have come back now
It is harder to fight them off,
But I know with help they will surely bow.
It is an on going battle,
Just like cancer,
It can come back some day
But now I have the answer.
I know how to fight my demons,
Even if these ones are new
I will fight them off as I did the others,
I will show them that I grew.
The tree is still within me
But it has much changed,
It is no longer of darkness,
Crooked or deranged.
It was fused with my spine,
And helps to hold me straight.
It reminds me what would have happened
If I had let the demons decide my fate.

Her Oncoming Storm

Her laughter echoed off the cliffs,
Carried by the winds
Announcing the coming of a storm.
A handful of petals
Swirled in the breeze,
Thrown by her little sister
Who wished she had seen
The signs warning her
Of the oncoming storm
Before it was too late.
This one was much
Like the one she had
Inside.
Little warning before
The rain began,
Then came the thunder, like
Angels, chanting her fate.
The scariest of all,
Lightning,
Was to help her find her way.
She had been a hurricane,
A beautiful and perfect storm,
Towards the end she was
A boat, lost at sea.
Once in the Eye of the storm,
She felt the sun on her skin,
The beautiful warmth,
The peace,
And followed the Eye
Into uncharted territories.

Some People Are Black Holes

She was as big as the universe,
Enough love for everyone
Who needed some of her strength.
You could see suns in her eyes,
Hear worlds unknown
In her laugh,
Imagine a whole universe
Pulsing to her heartbeat.
She was told she was too
Proud, too big,
Too loving
To fit in this world.
They tried and tried again
To bring her down to their size,
Until finally
A black hole appeared in her galaxies
Taking everything with it, leaving
Nothing but a porcelain doll,
Fragile and delicate.
One more little push
Made her shatter.
She tried rebuilding herself,
Tried to hold
What her once strong arms
Could, but collapsed under the weight.
She worked up the courage
To ask for help, and
Received it.
She is rebuilding herself,
Piece by piece
Relighting the stars in her constellations
One by one.

In the Dark of Night

When the sun falls below the horizon,
And the stars come out,
That is when you find yourself completely alone.
It is a time for reflection on oneself,
For deep thoughts and big decisions.
The dark that scared us so much as children
Now liberates us
And allows us to be ourselves,
Even if the moon is our only witness.
Things are different at night,
The world seems peaceful,
Filled with endless possibilities
For adventure.
In the middle of the night,
When the world is sleeping,
Look up at the stars.
You realize that you are alone,
Alone with your thoughts and feeling,
With your inner demons.
In the dark of night
Many people find themselves,
For only when you are truly alone
Can you hear your heartbeat,
And finally understand
What it is trying to tell you.

Leaders of Tomorrow

My generation has a right to be angry,
Angry at the dying world
We are inheriting from our parents.
Angry, at the senseless acts of discrimination
That are considered the norm
To the eyes of most.
We are the leaders of tomorrow,
Yet we are called lazy,
Technology-addicted,
And good for nothing.
Have you ever stopped to think
That the rising levels of anxiety
And depression
In teenagers today
Are linked to this problem?
By the judgment alone
Of the media,
And of the impossible beauty standards
We have to comply to.
By the perfect grades we must get,
And the enormous tuition
We must work two jobs,
And 50 hours a week
To pay off.
This was not our doing,
For we were but infants
When the previous generations
Decided our fate.
They decided that this would be
Our problem,
Think about it for a moment,
We must save the planet,
It's animals and it's plants,
But not start any wars,
Or offend anyone.
We must be the saviors of humanity,
The light in the dark.
We have been given
An impossible task
By the leaders of yesterday.
All that we are asking
Is that history
Not judge us too harshly,
For the people and the leaders we will need to become,
In order to survive.

Empires

Enough.
It is time for a change.
We will no longer stand by,
We will not let you hand us
A broken world.
We have had enough,
Enough of this game of power.
Our sisters dismissed,
For no other reason than their gender.
Our forests and wildlife,
Sacrificed to Greed.
Our youth, unable to find work,
And burdened with enormous debt
From an education they were told they needed.
History says that Empires
Collapse from within.
Well hold tight my darling,
For here it comes.
The tidal wave, the earth-shaking
Last drop that sends us all over
Into darkness, while the ones in power
Struggle to stay on top.
Things must change,
People must be taught once more
How to care for others,
That we cannot eat our money,
Nor can it buy us a better world.
Our blindness to what truly matters
Demonstrates our ignorance of our race,
For how can we help others,
When we cannot help ourselves.
In a world where promoting equality
Is considered a threat,
Where the color of your skin
Determines your worth.
Humanity is not cattle,
We are not simple machines
That exist only for revenue,
And easily replaced once broken.
This is how the world works now,
And this must change,
For an Empire that ignores its people
Is an Empire destined to fall.

The World We Find In Books

Once a reader always a reader, they
Would tell me, as I opened a new book,
And discovered a new world. I made new
Friends, and for a moment, they were real.

When I was told reading was nerdy, and
Deeply frowned upon, I was confused. My
Young mind could not understand why people
Despised these innocent words on a page.

Many years, and many books later, I
Have come to the conclusion that people
Are scared of books, of the worlds, of the themes,
The ideas that are held within them.

They don't want us asking questions, so that
We may believe everything they say, that
This is where we belong, and we should not
Aspire to anything greater. They are

Greedy, feeding the uneducated,
The close-minded, and the extremists. Books
Free the reader of reality, make
Them understand that there is hope for a

Better world. One where people are free to
Chose their own path, make their own lives, away
From religious or patriarchal ways,
Freeing the oppressed, giving them a voice.